


We're Damaged, Really Damaged, But That Does Not Make Us Wise

by TopazGotTheJuice



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, cheryl is BROKEN broken, choni break up, kinda sad, post 3x15, pre 3x16, straight up angst, toni is broken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-11-25 20:32:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18171122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopazGotTheJuice/pseuds/TopazGotTheJuice
Summary: two long weeks. two long painful weeks. two long painful lonely weeks. cheryl was a mess. cheryl was miserable.-toni was miserable. she didn't want this. she loved cheryl with everything in her. she just wanted space. but not this.-it has been two weeks since cheryl and toni broke up in that damn speakeasy, and both girls were miserable, and hurting. heathers the musical was supposed to help cheryl but it honestly made her feel worse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i know i have two other fics i need to focus on but inspiration struck and couldn't not write this. 
> 
> anyways, here's a sad angsty choni break up fic. posting this before 3x16, i have no idea what's gonna happen in the musical.
> 
> also, peep the title :)
> 
> idk what else to say, so enjoy or whatevah 
> 
> and catch me on twitter @cheryltoepaz

it had been two weeks since the breakup. two long weeks. two long painful weeks. two long painful lonely weeks. cheryl was a mess. cheryl was miserable. she was angry by day, and breaking down by night. she has returned to her former hbic self. no one in the halls of riverdale were safe from her wrath. at first students were confused as to why cheryl was being so bitchy. and she was being  _bitchy_ bitchy. every tiny little thing would set her off. when one of her classmates, who was sick the previous day, asked to see her ap chemistry notes she went completely off of them.

"excuse me, what? maybe if you weren't swapping spit with every girl you come across and actually cared about your personal hygiene, you wouldn't have had to miss class. so no you can't borrow my notes you mouth breathing imbecile! now shoo" cheryl had said. the boy quickly left her presence, shaking in his boots.

at first students were wondering why she was being this way, but then they started to notice that cheryl and toni weren't hanging out in the lounge before first period. they weren't sitting together at lunch. they weren't walking each other to class. they showed up to school separately. students started putting two and two together and gossip got around that the two had broken up.

cheryl was definitely channeling her hbic'ness while at school. she would not let anyone know just how broken she was. but after school when she returned to an empty house, she was a mess. not only was she angry as fuck, but she was sad. just really sad. heartbroken honestly. and at night when she was left to her own thoughts, was the worst.

_if it weren't for the fact that no one would have you._

_you've never known love cheryl, except to rip it apart._

_you're not alone cheryl. not ever again._

but this was the loneliest she's ever felt. she's received calls from veronica and josie but she ignored them. and sure maybe she wouldn't be so lonely if she answered the phone, but she was in no mood to hear  _'i heard about toni, are you okay.'_ because she was far from okay. how could she be okay. the love of her life was gone.

cheryl refused to be home when toni came to get her stuff. she knew it would be too hard. toni had sent her a text saying she was on her way to pick up her stuff. she sent back a message saying the key was under the welcome mat, and she hopped in her car and drove to pops. but that night when she came back home and all of toni's stuff was gone, she broke down. the closet seemed emptier, the room seemed colder, and the bed seemed smaller. even the polaroids had been taken off the mirror. except for one.

cheryl, tears streaming down her face, yanked the picture out of the mirror. it was a picture of the couple from the speakeasy's opening night. there arms were wrapped around each others as they had been that entire night. 

_that damn speakeasy._

it was one of the reasons they broke up. sure toni had to work, she understood that was her job. but when the speakeasy closed at midnight and her girlfriend didn't return home until 2 am, her anxiety kicked in. she felt like toni was slipping away. and all she could think was-

_what happened?_

_what did i do?_

_where did i go wrong?_

she knew some of the decisions she was making were wrong. especially sending the pretty poisons after sweet pea and fangs. she knew she fucked up.

but cheryl tried to fix it. she really did. but it seemed like every time she tried to fix it, things between them only got worse. she even planned a spring break trip so they could reconnect as a couple, but she would rather go on a road trip with her gang. that was the breaking point for cheryl. it was at that moment cheryl thought toni didn't want her anymore.

she even went as far as using sex to try and get her back, in that  _damn_  speakeasy, but it didn't work. they had broken up literally 5 minutes later.

cheryl had ripped that polaroid to shreds and threw it in her garbage can. that night she curled up into a ball and cried herself to sleep. and that's how cheryl ended up most nights.

toni's pillow still smelled like her. and cheryl hated that, because she still missed her. it made her miserable to have to smell it every night. cheryl had washed and changed the sheets and she thought it would help, not having to smell her ex girlfriend when she went to sleep. but it actually made it worse. it was as if toni was just completely gone now.

-

toni was miserable as well. she didn't want this. she loved cheryl with everything in her. she just wanted space. but not this. she just wanted to have a life outside of her relationship. but she realized she went to far left. she should have balanced her life better. or at least talked to cheryl sooner about how she was feeling, and maybe she would still have her. but it was too late. cheryl didn't want her anymore.

and toni doesn't blame cheryl for kicking her out. she hasn't been the best girlfriend lately. she thought cheryl was jealous that toni took charge of the gang that cheryl had rallied for her. but after their fight in the speakeasy, she realized that wasn't the case at all. cheryl just missed her. toni had been spending a vast amount of time with her gang and at work. and most of the time it wasn't even work. she was just having fun. after loosing her family, she had finally another one, she finally had someone other than cheryl to hang out with.

throughout their relationship, toni noticed she started losing herself in their relationship and she just wanted to get back to her former self. she loved cheryl, but she needed some space. they both did. toni knew space was healthy in a relationship. but toni soon realized that while she was out with her gang and singing karaoke with veronica and the poisons at the speakeasy, cheryl was home alone, waiting for her. cheryl really didn't have friends. sure she had josie, but she has been so busy with her music and archie so cheryl really didn't have anyone. toni kicks herself every time she thought about it. 

when toni showed up to cheryl's house to get her stuff a couple days after their breakup she hoped cheryl would be there. one last chance to try and fight for her. but when she pulled up the driveway in peaches car and noticed the impala was gone, she dropped her head in defeat. tears streamed down her face and she chocked out sobs as she cleaned her stuff out of cheryl's room and put all of her stuff in two large duffle bags. 

she emptied out the closet first. she gasped when she came across that purple flannel. not only was it toni's favorite shirt, but it was cheryl's too. cheryl loved to sleep in it. and toni loved to see cheryl sleeping in it. she held it in her hand and thought for a long time about leaving it here. but she knew that would just be to hard, for both of them, so she just stuffed it in her duffle bag.

after getting all of her things from the bathroom, as well as the random stuff scattered around the room, she walked over to the vanity next to the bed. she took notice of all the polaroids, most of them taken by her. she snatched them all out of the mirror, trying her hardest not to look at them. she came across a certain one and couldn't help but look at it. 

it was a picture of them from the opening night at the speakeasy. cheryl looked so fucking good in that red dress. they had stayed wrapped around each other the whole evening, and wrapped around each other that night in cheryl's bed

toni stuffed the photo back into the mirror, grabbed her makeup and left the room. she took one last look at the room, before closing the door behind her and exiting thistlehouse for probably the last time.

toni had been staying with peaches the past couple weeks. and it was hard to let it all out when she was sleeping on an air mattress in her room, but she couldn't stop herself from crying. she felt bad, and she knew peaches was probably sick of hearing her sniffling every night, but she never complained.

"toni?" peaches had asked one night after hearing toni's soft whimpers. toni sniffed and wiped the tears from her face and she rolled over on her back to look up and peaches laying on her bed.

"i know this is probably a dumb question, but are you okay?" she had asked.

toni's lip quivered and fresh tears flowed down the side of her face. "no."

peaches had got out of her bed and sat down on the air mattress next to toni. she pulled toni into a hug and the pinkette cried into her shoulder.

the next two weeks at school, she had watched cheryl from a far. she noticed the redhead had gone back to her former bitchy self, and she felt a slight pain in her stomach. she felt partly responsible. she knows she cant control cheryl's actions but when they were together, she as well as the rest of the student body knew she was a lot nicer and calmer and grounded when they were together. and toni knows exactly why. cheryl finally had someone to love that loved her. but once that was gone she reverted back to that lonely, broken girl. 

toni has to admit, she was lost without cheryl. she walked around school basically looking like a zombie. most nights unable to sleep as she has gotten so used to sleeping next to cheryl. even if during the last couple weeks of their relationship they slept with their backs to each other, she still knew cheryl was there at least. 

toni could barely focus in her classes. she lost all motivation at work. as soon as her shift was over at the speakeasy she went hom- back to peaches. she was no longer in the mood for fun, which ironically that was all she wanted to do, but now that cheryl was gone, she would trade all the fun in the work to have her girl back. 

she wanted cheryl back. she did. but she knew that would never happen. cheryl wouldn't even look her direction in the hallways, or in classes they shared together. 

cheryl was done.

_-_

it was the first day of heathers the musical rehearsals, and cheryl was honestly glad about it. finally something to keep her occupied and channel her rage into. she honestly hated being that bicthy person. that wasn't who she was anymore. but she couldn't stop. every time she thought of toni she got sad and had to cover it up with anger. and  _everything_  reminded her of toni. so now that the musical was starting she had something to occupy her mind with. she would rather play a bitchy character than be that person in real life.

she entered the auditorium, head held high, finally looking forward to something. she sat down in her seat and kicked her feet up on the chair in front of her

"alright welcome everyone, to our first rehearsal for heathers the musical." kevin announced and everyone sitting in the audience started clapping.

"first things first i wanna start by having everyone introduce themselves." kevin said and everyone took turns introducing themselves as well as what character they will be.

"well seeing as there is so much dancing in this play and i don't really fancy myself a dancer i decided to add someone to our team to help us out. so give a big warm welcome to our very own toni topaz."

_what the fuck._

cheryl's head popped up, feet fell to the floor, and she shot daggers at kevin as toni walked out onto the stage.

she has a feeling kevin did this on purpose. she knows they broke up and she told him this musical was supposed to be her way of channeling her rage. why would he hire her as choreographer. why the hell would he do that.

"i look forward to working with you all to make this play the best riverdale high has ever put on."

"kevin what the hell?" cheryl asked yanking him to the side.

"what, cheryl?"

"you appointed toni as choreographer?"

"look cheryl, i know you two aren on speaking terms right now, but she was honestly the best. i couldn't just not give her the job because you broke up."

"just fucking great" cheryl crossed her arms and let out a breath. she knew he was right but this was supposed to be a way for her to escape her heartbreak. how was she supposed to do that when toni was gonna be around her everyday until the last show, choreographing her, telling her what to do. there was no way she would be able to do this, she can't.

-

"cheryl will you please just do what she says" kevin said frustratedly, his hands pressed together like a prayer and rested on his chin.

"i just don't think this would makes sense for my character." cheryl said.

she was being difficult. she knows she was. she was being a bitch. she knows she was. but she couldn't stop. she just couldn't work with toni. she couldn't.

after the first rehearsal, seeing how toni was so carefree and happy. she was actually laughing and smiling. cheryl wasn't jealous. she was envious. why does she get to be happy when cheryl's heart hurts every time she thinks of toni, or see's something that reminds her of toni.

and when she saw toni leave rehearsal with the pretty poisons, the gang that cheryl started for her, she was pissed the fuck off. 

little did she know, toni was laughing as a way to distract herself from her own pain. and little did she know that when she went to peaches she broke down crying in the shower.

toni had ulterior motives for joining this play. while yes she had a secret love for musicals, she knew that cheryl would be apart of this play when she found out what it was going to be. heathers was cheryl's favorite musical. 

so toni joined this play just so she could have an excuse to see cheryl, and hopefully talk to her. she knew at first it would be hard and then maybe eventually they would be able to talk, but cheryl could barely look at her. would barely listen when toni was trying to teach the choreography.

she was frustrated that cheryl wasn't listening at first. but she didn't say anything. she just knew cheryl was hurting just like she was. but after a week of rehearsals and cheryl still refusing to take instruction from toni, she reached a breaking point.

"cheryl would you please just listen to me!"

"why should i?"

"because i'm the fucking choreographer."

"i don't give a fuck what you are."

"unless you want to go on stage looking like a mess i suggest you listen to me."

"no."

"no?"

"i'm done listening to you. i am so sick of listening to you tell me what to do. i can't take it anymore. so i'm done. is  _that_  clear?" 

"cheryl-" 

cheryl walked off the stage brushing past toni's shoulder. she grabbed her bag and stormed out of the auditorium.

toni stood on the stage and watched her walk away. tears threatened her eyes but she blinked them away.

"okay let's just take five everyone" kevin sighed.

"toni, are you okay?" veronica asked. toni inhaled a sharp breath and nodded her head.

"yeah i'm good. i'm fine."

"toni-"

"i said i'm fine." toni snapped and stormed off the stage towards the dressing rooms.

that night both girls cried themselves to sleep.

-

for the rest of the rehearsals cheryl tried her hardest to avoid toni when they weren't rehearsing a number. cheryl had learned the choreography from betty and veronica during lunch and before rehearsals. toni and cheryl haven't said a word to each other since their fight, but toni still stares at her while she's performing. especially when she's performing candy store. toni can't help it. that's the strong girl she fell in love with up there, but she's not hers anymore and it hurts. toni is lowkey torturing herself by focusing solely on her, but she can't look away from her. 

when their number is over she's brought back to reality when kevin stands up and claps loudly. 

"that was amazing girls" kevin said with the brightest smile, he turned around to face toni. "miss choreographer, what did you think?"

"agreed, that was amazing."

"please, i know i'm amazing" cheryl said flipping her hair over her shoulder and walking off stage left. toni just sighed in response.

_how did we end up here._

-

opening night came quick. parents, families and friends were flooding the auditorium as the cast and crew was huddled in the hallway outside of the dressing rooms.

"alright guys. it's show time. i'm not gonna give you a peppy encouraging speech because i know you all are going to kill it. we've been working so hard in rehearsals and i'm so proud of all of you. so lets get out there and put on a great show" kevin finished and everyone in the huddle cheered.

"also," veronica announced. "opening night after party tonight at the speakeasy. i expect you all to be there." the group all cheered in response. all except cheryl.

the play went well. better than well. it was amazing. everyone killed it. the dance numbers were perfect. everyones voice sounded magnificent. no one messed up their lines. at was an a plus, tragedy free, performance, that received a standing ovation from everyone in the audience.

after the play, families of all the students bombarding the stage for pictures and brought flowers. cheryl watching as alice and f.p. took pictures of betty and jughead, sierra and tom took pictures of josie and kevin, fred hugged archie as mary stood to the side with a bouquet of flowers, sweet pea and fangs wrapped around each other and their parents took pictures of them. even hermione and hiram we're there and he gave veronica a large bouquet of red roses. 

and as all those families congratulated their kids, cheryl found herself standing there alone. cheryl felt a hand on her arm and she turned around to face josie.

"hey, you did such and amazing job, as i knew you would." josie said as she pulled cheryl into a hug.

"thanks. you did as well."

"are you going to the after party tonight?"

cheryl looked to her left and saw toni standing at the edge of the stage. "i don't know, that speakeasy... there's just too much history."

it was the last place cheryl and toni we're connected as intimately as they've ever been. it was the last place toni told her she loved her. it was the last place they had a moment of happiness before their epic love story ended. it would be too hard to have fun in a place that recently caused her pain.

"come on cheryl. you can't let her ruin everything for you. you deserve to have fun tonight."

cheryl looked back over at toni and squinted her eyes. the pretty poisons had walked up to toni and handed her a large bouquet of red roses. she smiled as she took them and gave one of the gang members a hug.

"you know what... you're right josie. suddenly i'm in the mood to have some fun."

-

and fun she had. 

cheryl put on a skin tight, sinfully short, black leather skirt with a red crop top, and black heels. her hair was half up half down, and was sporting her signature crimson lipstick. 

she walked down the steps of the speakeasy, already full of students, seeing as she was purposefully fashionably late. she stopped at the top of the stairs and scanned the room. she spotted betty and jughead against the wall, arms wrapped around each other, talking. she saw fangs and sweet pea dancing on the dance floor surrounded by other students. she saw veronica on the stage dancing with josie. and then she saw  _her,_ surrounded by her stupid gang, just standing there talking but for some reason that pissed cheryl the fuck off.

she made her way down the rest of the steps and marched straight to the bar.

"yo. bartender. tequila shot. now." cheryl demanded and a few seconds later a small glass filled with clear liquid was slid in front of her. she tossed the drink back and contorted her face as it burned the back of her throat. she slammed the shot glass on the counter.

"another."

tossed back.

_slam._

"another."

tossed back.

_slam._

"another."

tossed back.

_slam._

cheryl knew she should pace herself, cause she's a lightweight but she couldn't stop herself. anything to not feel so miserable right now.

-

"hey, is that cheryl" josie asked veronica from the stage. she saw cheryl toss back a shot, unaware that it was her 10th shot. but when cheryl stood up and swayed josie knew she was drunk.

"oh shit" veronica said and the two quickly hopped off the stage and made their way towards the redhead.

"cheryl?" veronica said as they approached the redhead. and cheryl looked up at her through hooded eyes as her body swayed.

"heeyyyy jossiiee and... youuu" cheryl slurred.

"cheryl, you're drunk." josie said, voice filled with concern.

"no i'm nooot." cheryl stumbled over and josie gripped her arm to steady her.

"cheryl you can't even stand up straight." josie said.

"sooo... i'm here to have funnn... remember?" cheryl said trying to break free from josie grip on her arm.

"cheryl, this is not fun, are you okay?" veronica asked, just as concerned.

"no lodge, i'm not. incase you haven't heard i'm singllee, so you can go fuck toni now, i knowww you want to."

"cheryl what the hell are you talking about?"

"you and toniiii... being all coupled up singing that... stupid song right in front of my fucking faaace. i know you want to fuck her, so go ahead, she's not tied down anymore, you can fuck her right here... and don't worryyy the tables are sturdy..." cheryl said stumbling forward and placing her hands on veronica's shoulders to steady herself, josie and veronica both held on to her arms.

"cheryl i know you're just drunk and upset, but i don't want toni." 

"yeeaahhh, whateverrrr, leave me alooone." cheryl broke away from the girls grip and brushed past them, the two girls chasing after her. cheryl climbed unto one of the tables as josie and veronica repeatedly called her name, but she ignored them.

-

"uh toni?" peaches said, cutting her own laughter off.

"what?"

"is that cheryl?"

toni turned around to where peaches was pointing and saw her ex girlfriend standing on top of a table, swaying side to side.

"oh shit." toni mumbled under her breath.

"ATTENTION" cheryl yelled over the music. "IF ANYONE IS WONDERING IM SINGLE NOW SO IF ANY OF YOU FINE LADIES WANT SOME OF THISSS." 

"fuck." toni stormed away from her gang and pushed through the crowd of students until she reached the table.

"cheryl!" toni shouted as cheryl was dancing along to the music.

"leave me alooone i'm finally having funnn for once."

"cheryl get off the table before you hurt yourself." josie said firmly pulling on cheryl's arm. she yanked her down and cheryl stumbled off the table landing in the three girls arms. 

"cheryl come on lets get you some water." toni said as they helped her to her feet.

"no get off of me" cheryl said trying to fight them off, but her body felt heavy and her arms and legs felt like jello.

"cheryl just let me help you." toni said.

"whyy would you wanna help meee... youuu don't even careee about mee." cheryl slurred her words become less and less understandable.

"cheryl. that's not true."

cheryl's head fell back and the forward. suddenly her face looked like she was in pain and she looked green. 

"cheryl are you gonna-" before veronica could even finish her cheryl doubled over and threw up right there on the floor. many  _oh's_ being shouted by the students around them. josie and veronica held her up and toni held her hair back while cheryl emptied out. 

"mind your fucking business!" toni shouted at some of the people who were watching.

when cheryl was done, josie and veronica lifted her up and wrapped her arms around their shoulders and her head drooped down. 

"take her upstairs and get her some water, i'll get someone to clean this up." toni said. she watched as josie and veronica scooped her legs up and carried her up the stairs. she wanted to cry. but she held the tears back as she along with reggie and a few of the poisons cleaned up the mess.

-

josie and veronica sat cheryl down in a booth, and veronica quickly filled up a cup with water. she came back and held the cup up to cheryl's mouth. the redhead only took about 3 sips before collapsing back on the booth. the two girls rolled her over on her side and moved her hair out of her face just in case.

josie and veronica stood up, and faced each other, the both of them sharing a look of worry.

"i've never seen her drink like this. have you?" veronica asked.

"no." josie shook her head.

"i'm worried about her. i'm just scared she's gonna..." veronica trailed off not even wanting to finish that sentence. the two of them looked down when they heard her whimper and mumble something.

"cheryl? what is it?" josie asked softly, the two of them leaning closer to hear her.

"i want toni." cheryl slurred out so quietly that if it wasn't dead silent in pops they wouldn't have been able to hear her.

"i'll go find her" josie said.

"no need, i'm right here." toni said causing the two of them to nearly jump out of their skin, reggie standing behind her. her eyes were glossed over as she approached them. toni put her hand on their shoulders to move them out of the way. she leaned down and grabbed cheryl cross body purse that hung off the seat. she dug inside of it and pulled out her car keys.

"i'm gonna take her home." toni said, sniffling quietly.

"yeah, that's a good idea." veronica said with a nod. 

the three girls moved out of the way as reggie scooped up the red head in his arms, cheryl's head falling against his shoulder, and toni followed him as he walked her out to her car. reggie gently placed her in the back seat and turned her on her side and gently closed the door. toni thanked him and he saluted before re-entering pops.

toni slid into the front seat on the cherry red impala and started the car. she slowly made her way to thistle house as to not make the redhead more sick. 

she pulled up the driveway of thistlehouse and parked the car right in front of the front door. she stepped out of the car and looked up at the rustic house. toni thought she'd never be back in this house, at least not like this.

she pulled all her strength and picked cheryl up out of the car, the girl whimpering as she lifted her out of the vehicle.

"help me out cher, you'll be in bed soon." 

toni lifted cheryl unto her back and made her way to the front door, unlocking it with cheryl's key. she slowly climbed the stairs and made her way to her bedroom. she laid the redhead down on her side close to the edge of the bed. and she put her small trash can right next to her bed. 

she looks down at her, nothing but sadness in her eyes. she's never seen cheryl like this before, and it makes her sick to her stomach that she's partly responsible. sure, she didn't force cheryl to take all those shots, but she did it because she's hurting. and she's hurting because they broke up.

toni goes to walk away when a hand lazily tried to reach for her but doesn't make it that far.

"toni" cheryl mumbles out.

"yeah cher, i'm here."

"don't... leave me."

"i'm not leaving cheryl."

toni goes to unbuckle cheryl's heels and she places them on the floor next to the bed. she takes off her skirt and pulls the covers back. she helps cheryl get under the covers and she moves her hair out of her face.

"toni." cheryl mumbled again.

"yeah?"

"i love you." 

toni sighs and the tears that have been threatening to fall finally fell down her face. 

"i know you wont remember this tomorrow. but i love you too."

toni pulls the chair in front of cheryl's vanity over beside the bed and she sits there. 

all night.

and just watches cheryl sleep.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the second and final part of this fic. this one is a little angsty, really fluffy, kinda smutty and has a lot of dialogue. i took some of the lines from 3x16 but i changed them a little bit because some fics have already used them so i didn't want it to seem like i was copying or whatever.
> 
> and i just want to clarify the almost threesome is NOT canon in this fic (even though vanessa did her fucking thing on Dead Girl Walking) 
> 
> also i will be updating the role reversal fic very soon, hopefully by the end of this week.
> 
> anyways, enjoy. and catch me on twitter @cheryltoepaz

cheryl blinked her eyes open. her head was pounding and her stomach still felt a little queasy. she groaned as she lifted her self up. her body felt heavy. she furrowed her brows as she took in the familiar surroundings of her room, confused as to how she got there. she has no idea how she got home. she noticed she was still wearing her shirt from last night but her shoes and skirt were gone. suddenly her anxiety rose as she couldn't recall much of anything from the previous night.

cheryl flinched as her bedroom door creaked open and toni walked inside holding a tray.

"oh good you're up." toni said as she approached the bed. she sat the tray down on the bedside table. "i brought you some hangover helpers. eggs, hash browns and toast, decaf coffee, water and some ibuprofen."

the redhead looked at her with a confused expression, a million thoughts running through her mind, and toni could tell. she thought about sitting in the chair that was still next to the bed but opted for sitting on the edge of the bed.

"how are you feeling?" toni asked softly.

"like crap... we didn't..."

"no, we didn't... how much of last night do you remember?"

"um... i remember showing up to the speakeasy, and seeing you there, and i remember taking a lot of shots and talking to josie and veronica. after that, nothing."

toni's heart clenched. she knew cheryl wouldn't remember that vital confession but it still hurt a little. she sighed and reached over grabbing the cup of water and the ibuprofen. cheryl took the pills from her and swallowed two of them along with the water, and handed the cup back to toni who placed it back on the tray.

"what happened last night?" cheryl asked timidly, almost scared to hear the answer.

"well... you um- you danced on a table after uh- announcing that you were single that's when i stepped in to help. me josie and veronica pulled you off the table. then you threw up so they took you upstairs and i drove you home. and then..."

_you told me you loved me and i said it back._

"then i helped you in bed and you fell asleep." 

cheryl just nodded as she processed the information. she felt completely embarrassed but she didn't want to show toni such emotion. she just reached over and grabbed a piece of toast, biting into the corner of it.

toni sat there and watched her as the toast disappeared, then the eggs, then the hash browns, then the coffee. it was silent as she ate, and it wasn't comfortable silence. it was extremely awkward. and while cheryl ate, toni kept thinking about the same thought that kept her awake all night. 

"cheryl?"

"yeah?"

"did- did you drink like that because of me?"

cheryl was silent for a few moments, trying to gather her thoughts. she looked everywhere but toni's eyes, biting the corner of her lip nervously and fidgeting with her fingers. toni knew she was nervous but the longer cheryl was silent the faster her own heart started beating.

"honestly, yeah. but because of me too."

toni's heart sank. she knew she was partly responsible for the way cheryl was acting but hearing out loud from the girl herself made it hurt even more.

"why?"

"because i'm hurting toni." cheryl started, voice soft and timid, tears filling her eyes. "i'm hurting. yeah i act like a bitch at school but you of all people should know it's a facade. it hurts all the time. and what hurts even more is seeing you with the fucking pretty poisons every day. you have people toni. i have no one."

"that's not true. you- you have me-"

"and where have you been?"

toni could literally feel her heart breaking. of course cheryl was the one to kick her out but she left with no further questions asked. and yeah she tried to talk to cheryl at school, barely, but cheryl was avoiding her. but she knew that was just a defense mechanism and she should have tried harder.

"cheryl, we have to stop."

"we already stopped toni."

"no, i mean we have to stop fighting." toni paused for a second before word vomit came out of her mouth. "i still love you cheryl and i know you love me too. you said it last night."

"i- i what?" cheryl rose her eyes to toni's, slight panic behind them. she doesn't remember that at all. but the seriousness in toni's eyes, she knew she was telling the truth.

_oh God._

_oh GOD._

"yeah." toni simply responded.

"well- toni i- i was drunk."

"so? as my grandpa always said, a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts. i know you still love me cheryl. i can see it deep in your eyes."

"okay- yes. but that doesn't change anything that's happened between us this last month and a half."

"okay so we'll work on that. cheryl, i wanna be with you.  _i wanna be with you._  and i'm not gonna stop fighting for you."

cheryl sat there silent unable to form any words at the moment. she was locked on toni's eyes, and there was so much love, pure love, filling those chocolate eyes. and the way toni was looking at her, that look, always did something to cheryl. her heart fluttered and she felt nervous, but like a good nervous.  when the tears threatening her eyes fell down her face, toni continued to speak.

"babe, what was love like in your family?" toni asked scooting closer up to bed.

"it was... all or nothing. pure adoration or distilled hate." 

toni released a breath and looked at cheryl intently as she explained. 

"thornhill was dark toni. it was really dark. and jay-jay was my only light... and... he... died."

toni's heart clenched.

"then it was dark again." cheryl rose her eyes back up to toni's. "until you."

toni wanted nothing more to scoop her into an embrace right then and there. but she knew she wasn't finished speaking so she held off to let the girl continue.

"but then it felt like you were disappearing on me. it felt like you were slipping away."

toni's heart sank even deeper than before. 

_of course._

_of fucking course._

now toni understands. no wonder cheryl is the way she is. her life has been dark up until the moment she met toni. that's why she clung to her so hard. that's why she did everything she could to hold to her, even by a thread. and when she was gone, that hope was gone too. from pure adoration to distilled hate. except cheryl didn't hate toni. oh she tried. but on the inside she couldn't get rid of those feelings.

and if toni wasn't kicking herself before, she most certainly is now. if she had talked to cheryl sooner about this it wouldn't have come to this. they'd still be together.

"but i'm not disappearing cheryl. i'm here. i'm right here. and i'm not going anywhere unless you want me to. do you want me to?"

cheryl shook her head and toni's lips curled into a small smile. toni reached out for cheryl's hand and the redhead accepted it. toni rubbed her knuckles with her thumb as she continued speaking.

"cheryl. i am so sorry for the way i had been treating you before we... broke up. i didn't want space from you. i just wanted time to be my own person. have someone to talk to outside of us. but i realized after we broke up that the balance was way off. all my time got consumed by work and the poisons and i left nothing for you and i'm so sorry for that."

"and i'm sorry for making you feel suffocated here. it was never my intention to do that. i'm just so passionate about things i love and-"

"hey, i get it babe. especially now." toni adjusted their hands until their fingers were intertwined. "and, i don't think it's too late for us. i choose you. you're the one i choose cheryl. do you choose me too?"

"of course i choose you toni. i'll always choose you."

toni couldn't fight the smile that grew on her face even if she wanted to. her eyes flickered down to cheryl lips for a second then back up to her eyes. she barely leaned in before stopping herself.

"can i kiss you?"

"please."

toni cupped cheryl's cheek with her free hand and they both leaned in, lips meeting halfway. the kiss started off sweet, lips just brushing against each others. their lips pulled and pushed together with the smallest of smack sounds. toni retracted her other hand from cheryl's and cupped the other side of her face to deepen the kiss just a bit more. they just kiss for a long time and it slowly and gradually becomes heated. 

cheryl's hands make their way to toni's cheeks and they pull apart. they stare into each others eyes for a second, both pairs flicking down to each others lips before back up to their eyes. they lean back in for a deeper kiss, both tilting their heads for more intimacy and closeness. toni slid her tongue into cheryl's mouth and the redhead whimpered and tried to push impossibly closer. 

cheryl gripped toni by the back of her neck and leaned down against the pillows bringing toni with her, their lips never disconnecting. they were separated by the comforter and cheryl groaned before kicking it off of her. cheryl spread her legs and toni settled in between them before pale thighs wrapped around her and locked her in. 

toni raked her fingers through cheryl's hair while her other hand gripped her bare thigh. cheryl dragged a hand down cheryl's back, over her rear and sliding her hand into her back pocket while her other hand rested on her lower back in the space between her jeans and her shirt that rode up.

toni trailed her lips down cheryl's jaw to her neck, and sucked on her pulse point, which was cheryl's weak spot. cheryl released a moan and arched up into toni, leaned her head back to give the pinkette more access.

cheryl slipped her fingers under toni's top and gripped the hem before sliding it up her back. toni rose up and reached behind her back over her shoulders and gripped the shirt and pulled it over her head and tossed it messily to the foot of the bed. cheryl pulled her by her sides back down and her lips fell on cheryl's again.

as the passionate kiss continued cheryl lowered her hands down toni's back and around in between them to fumble with the button of her jeans. toni hesitated in their kiss and pulled away. 

"cher, are you sure?"

"yes, toni. i want you."

toni searched her eyes for any hesitancy. when she found none she, with the help of cheryl, removed her jeans and she leaned back down and captured cheryl's lips in a much slower kiss. the mood instantly changed, from hungry and passionate to loving and gentle. 

after slowly undressing each other toni painted cheryl's body with her lips, taking her time to re-familiarize herself with cheryl's body, leaving no inch of skin un-kissed. 

cheryl gripped at toni's hair in between her legs as she sucked on her most sensitive area. this felt different. unlike anything she's ever felt before. they had a very active sex life but this here. indescribable. she looked up at her ceiling as tears fell out of the corners of her eyes down into her hair. she closed her eyes as she fell over the edge.

she pulled toni by her face until they were at eye level. toni looked down at her and notice she was crying and furrowed her brows.

"cher? are you okay?" she whispered.

"more than okay. i love you." cheryl tucked a piece of hair behind toni's ear and smiled up at her. toni returned the smile and leaned down to place sweet kisses all over her face, landing on her lips.

for the next hour the two girls spent having the most romantic, loving and passionate make up sex ever. it was soft. so soft. much different from the last time they had sex in that speakeasy. that was heated, and attention seeking. this was about reconnection. the both of them exploring each others bodies as if it were their first time. nothing but gentle caresses, soft pants, quiet moans, names whispered, sweet kisses, longing gazes, and many i love you's. 

after cheryl's 5th and final release, toni getting her own set of 5, cheryl collapsed on top of toni, her head falling in the crook of her neck, the both of them breathing heavily out into the quiet room.

toni raked her fingers through cheryl's hair that was splayed to the side over the pillow next to her, as her own tears flowed out of the corner of her eyes. that was definitely the most connected they've ever been. not just physically but emotionally. 

they didn't know it but they were both thinking the same thing.

_why did we ever break up?_

they just laid there in silence for a while. just basking in the presence of each other. just absolutely happy they were back in each others arms. they knew they had a lot to talk about and they would but for now they just laid there, holding each other.

-

toni didn't even know she fell asleep until she was waking up hours later. she opened her eyes and furrowed her brows when she realized she was in the bed alone. she sat up and rubbed the tiredness out of her eyes. it was still light outside so she knew it wasn't late. she rose from the bed and found her clothes that were scattered around the room and redressed herself. she stepped out of the room in search for the redhead. she looked through the entire house but there was no trace of her. she immediately started to think the worst.

_what if she regretted it._

_what if she ran._

_but you're in her house idiot._

toni shook those thoughts out of her head and climbed the stairs up to cheryl's room. she grabbed her phone and sighed in relief at the text notification on her lock screen. she slid it open to read it.

 **cheryl <3 [4:40 pm]**  
hey t.t. i didn't want to disturb your slumber, you looked so peaceful. i ran to pops to pick us up some food. be right back :)

toni smiled as she sent a quick reply.

 **toni [4:59 pm]**    
okay. see you soon :)

cheryl was absolutely right. if she looked so peaceful it's because she was so peaceful. that was the most peaceful sleep she has gotten since before the breakup. not just the fact the air mattress on peaches bedroom floor was extremely uncomfortable. but it was the first time in awhile she had actual good sleep. she still cried herself to sleep but instead tears of sorrow and pain, they were tears of complete joy, happiness and love.

but as much as she missed falling asleep on the most comfortable mattress ever in the arms of the love of her life, she was not ready to move back in with cheryl. as much as she wanted to, she didn't want to rush back into anything. that was one of the many things she needed to talk to cheryl about, in addition to many other things including their shitty communication. 

she heard the front door open and she sat up off the bed and made her way down the stairs. she met cheryl in the dining room, setting pops bags and a drink tray filled with two milkshakes, one chocolate one strawberry, on the table. cheryl looked up and smiled at toni as she walked to the table.

"you didn't have to buy me food."

"of course i did. i mean, you did make me breakfast this morning."

"yeah with stuff from your kitchen."

"toni just sit down and eat."

toni rose her eyebrow but gave her a smile as she sat at the table and took stuff out of the bag cheryl handed her.

"i got your favorite. cheeseburger with no pickles, onion rings, and one chocolate shake."

"ugh you know me so well. thanks babe."

cheryl couldn't help but smile at the cute pet name. it was a simple one but she had missed being called that by toni. 

cheryl smiled as she unwrapped her grilled chicken sandwich and watched as toni squirted out the contents of the small ketchup packets onto the wrapper that once covered her cheeseburger. cheryl just couldn't stop staring at toni. toni dipped her onion ring into the pool of ketchup and cheryl giggled when she bit into it and some of the ketchup fell on the corner of her mouth. toni returned the giggle as she wiped her mouth with a napkin.

"what?" she asked, slightly mumbled due to the food in her mouth. normally cheryl would go off and tell someone to swallow before talking with their mouth full and go on to call them an animal or something. but this was toni and she couldn't care less.

"nothing. just- i missed staring at you. you're so beautiful."

"so are you. just- truly beautiful." toni said tilting her head with a soft smile. she leaned over, cheryl meeting her half way and they shared a chaste kiss.

"so... what are we?" cheryl asked.

"what do you want to be?" 

"well i would love nothing more than to be your girlfriend again. but only if you want that. i don't want to pressure you or anything if you don't want that or think we need space or-"

"cher," toni cut cheryl off from rambling. "i'm sick of space. i just want you." 

cheryl smiled from ear to ear. the brightest smile toni has ever seen. she has missed seeing cheryl smile. not a lot of people had the privilege of seeing cheryl smile like this, and toni hated when that privilege was taken from her too.

"but," toni started and she hated that her smile faltered a bit but this needed to be said. "i don't think i should move back in. at least not yet. i wanna do this right. and i don't want us to wear each other out again. is that okay?"

"i understand toni. you mine again and that's all that matters. but if you don't mind me asking, where are you staying?"

"cheryl, you're my girlfriend. of course i don't mind, you have a right to know where i'm sleeping... i'm staying at peaches. crashing on an air mattress"

"oh okay." cheryl said with a fake smile that toni could see right through.

"cher, what is it?"

"i just- i'm not trying to be that kind of girlfriend but she just gives me a weird vibe. i noticed how she was looking at you during the musical."

"don't you trust me?"

"of course i do toni. i trust you one hundred percent. that's why i'm telling you this."

"if you're uncomfortable with me staying there i can find somewhere else to stay. i can crash at the speakeasy. i do have my own set of keys." 

"no. absolutely not. i do want want you sleeping on a couch in the basement of pops. i'm okay with you staying there toni. i trust you with my whole heart, i'm just letting you know how i feel."

"well i don't want to sleep there knowing you're uncomfortable with her. i have too much respect for you for that. i could stay with of the other girls or veronica."

"oh shit veronica." cheryl slammed her elbow down on the table and dropped her head into her palm.

"what? what about veronica?" toni asked with furrowed brows.

"i may have drunkenly accused her of wanted to sleep with you last night." cheryl said timidly but rose her head up with toni started laughing out loud.

"i'm sorry babe, but that is hilarious."

cheryl's cheeks became red with embarrassment. but she relaxed when toni reached for her hand.

"baby, i can assure you veronica does not want me and i do not want her. do you want to know what we talked about every single day after our breakup while i was at work?"

"what?"

"you, goofy ass. she was the main one constantly telling me to get my shit together and make up with you already."

"ugh that makes me feel even worse." cheryl groaned.

"babe, come here." toni pulled cheryl closer and cupped her cheek before placing one, two, three kisses to her lips and one to her nose before pulling away. "it's okay, i'm sure she found it just as funny."

cheryl just sighed and nodded. "so where will you stay?"

"i'll just ask one of the other poisons..." toni opened and closed her mouth, she paused for a second before speaking again. "and speaking of the poisons..." toni trailed off and cheryl visibly tensed. toni reached for her hand again and rubbed her knuckles with her thumb.

"i know they have been the root of most of our problems in the past, but... please come back to the gang baby."

"toni... i don't know... i-"

"please cheryl. please. i'll admit i let the power get to my head before but i need my queen by my side, helping me run  _our_ gang. please cheryl."

cheryl pondered toni's request for a while. she was hesitant because while toni admitted she let the power go to her head, cheryl can't deny she made some mistakes herself. even if sweep pea and fangs were being sexist assholes, cheryl shouldn't have ordered the gang to beat their asses. she was also hesitant because that gang was the cause of majority of their problems but toni wanted her back and she called it  _their_ gang. not her gang. 

"okay." she simply said and her heart fluttered at the pure happiness that spread across toni's face. toni grabbed both of cheryl's hands in hers and placed a kiss to both sets of knuckles

"and i promise, any decisions that involve the gang, we will make together. and if the power ever gets to my head again, i expect you to call me out on it. okay. i don't want  _our_ family to tear us apart again, okay?"

"okay." cheryl simply responded again. she met toni halfway for another chaste kiss.

"and last thing... our communication."

"yes..." cheryl said to allow toni to continue.

"our communication used to be solid, but it turned to shit. i want it to be solid again. more solid than it was before. the whole three weeks we had been broken up all i could think was. maybe if we talked about our problems sooner we would have probably never broken up. and i don't ever want it to come to that again. i want us to promise that we will be one hundred percent completely honest and open about everything from now on. can we promise each other that?" 

toni held her pinky out and cheryl wrapped her pinky around hers.

"i promise." she said.

"i promise too." toni replied and they sealed it with another chaste kiss.

"i love you cheryl blossom. we're not gonna mess this up again."

"i love  _you_  toni topaz. and i agree. this it it."

they leaned it again, this time their lips moving together until it grew heated and cheryl dragged toni by her arm up to her room. 

they really meant it with everything in them. they weren't gonna mess this up again. this was it.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i might make a part two, depending on what happens in the musical episode, so let me know if you would like a part two to this.


End file.
